It has been so hard to collect my feelings on this. They are scattered all over the place, as I would guess most are when someone passes away. I have missed you for years. The Alzheimer's has taken a horrible toll on you the past 5 to 6 years and so I say I have missed you for years. When my mom called me the Wed night at 646 to let me know you finally passed, I cried. Alot. I cried alot more than I thought I would. Mimi told me Tuesday that you weren't doing so well, and we know you've bounced back...Like the energizer bunny she said...but since I have missed you for years I thought when you did go I wouldn't be so upset. Dennis said you never know how it will effect you until it happens. I am relieved you are not suffering anymore and trapped inside your mind, unable to connect. I am heartbroken that you are gone. My beautiful, funny, sweet grandmother who wanted to be called Mom instead of a grandmother name, I miss you. You were always so elegant to me, and the definition in my mind of a true classy lady. I can still hear you laugh when we would all get together at your house for dinners and holidays. I couldn't go see you, I hope you understand. To me, that was you but that was not you. I don't think my mother understood why I couldn't come see you. In my heart and in my head, you are the Mom standing in her kitchen smiling at all of us and laughing. With your hair curled just right and perfectly hemmed pants. Your visitation is Sunday, and your funeral is Monday. I dread both. And I'm sure I will cry everyday until then. Probably even after. Momma told me that Wed, the day you passed, was 10 years to the day after Dad (my grandfather) died. In a way, that's romantic and sad. It's also a reminder to me that you are both gone now. Jess and Brandon will remember you well, and it makes my heart hurt even more to know that Landon and Isaac will never get to meet the wonderful woman that you were. I can tell them, and give them my memories of you, show them pictures...but it's not the same. Wed night a few hours after Momma called, I was telling Jess about stories of you and with you of when I was little and even her age. I love you always, and miss you horribly. I hope you are at peace.
Friday, September 5, 2014
The Lady I call Mom. To my grandmother.
It has been so hard to collect my feelings on this. They are scattered all over the place, as I would guess most are when someone passes away. I have missed you for years. The Alzheimer's has taken a horrible toll on you the past 5 to 6 years and so I say I have missed you for years. When my mom called me the Wed night at 646 to let me know you finally passed, I cried. Alot. I cried alot more than I thought I would. Mimi told me Tuesday that you weren't doing so well, and we know you've bounced back...Like the energizer bunny she said...but since I have missed you for years I thought when you did go I wouldn't be so upset. Dennis said you never know how it will effect you until it happens. I am relieved you are not suffering anymore and trapped inside your mind, unable to connect. I am heartbroken that you are gone. My beautiful, funny, sweet grandmother who wanted to be called Mom instead of a grandmother name, I miss you. You were always so elegant to me, and the definition in my mind of a true classy lady. I can still hear you laugh when we would all get together at your house for dinners and holidays. I couldn't go see you, I hope you understand. To me, that was you but that was not you. I don't think my mother understood why I couldn't come see you. In my heart and in my head, you are the Mom standing in her kitchen smiling at all of us and laughing. With your hair curled just right and perfectly hemmed pants. Your visitation is Sunday, and your funeral is Monday. I dread both. And I'm sure I will cry everyday until then. Probably even after. Momma told me that Wed, the day you passed, was 10 years to the day after Dad (my grandfather) died. In a way, that's romantic and sad. It's also a reminder to me that you are both gone now. Jess and Brandon will remember you well, and it makes my heart hurt even more to know that Landon and Isaac will never get to meet the wonderful woman that you were. I can tell them, and give them my memories of you, show them pictures...but it's not the same. Wed night a few hours after Momma called, I was telling Jess about stories of you and with you of when I was little and even her age. I love you always, and miss you horribly. I hope you are at peace.
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