I wish you were here, so I could yell all of this in your face. At the top of my lungs. But you're not. Why? You're in jail. Again. For who knows how long. There are so many things, but let me start with this: It's really NOT that hard to stay OUT OF JAIL. Really. It's not. Wasn't you this time? Was you this time? Don't care. No excuses. It's not hard to stay out of jail. It's really not. I had to go and tell the big kids tonight that they can't see you this Thanksgiving because....you're in jail. No one knows if you'll be out by Thanksgiving, and I would be no where in my right mind even if you did get out to let them come stay with you. Not that apparently they were coming anyway. If you honestly think that the total you have paid in child support, a WHOPPING $12 per WEEK THIS YEAR TO DATE, is enough....then wow. Even after I told you how much to come up with...and even that added up to $36 a WEEK this YEAR TO DATE, you still couldn't do it. I talked to your mom today (apparently since I know you are in jail). You put her through so much. She seemed so surprised at the small amount you had given me since I told you pay this much in this many weeks, which shouldn't have been too hard...since you've been "working" since the end of August. If your mom is surprised at this amount....then why haven't I been getting anything in weeks? Possession of a CDS. Yeah, this chick had to look that up. Controlled Dangerous Substance. Class 3 huh? Like I mentioned earlier, yours not yours. DO. NOT. CARE. You're in jail, he's in jail. Whoever or both did wrong, and the other is stupid for being around the wrong, or you're both idiots. IT'S REALLY NOT THAT HARD TO STAY OUT OF JAIL. As I want to say that your kids need you, at this point no they don't. They don't need to hear any excuses you may throw at them. TAKE RESPONSIBILITY FOR ANY AND ALL ACTIONS THAT LAND YOU IN JAIL. Yes, I told them. I'm not sugar coating anything, anymore. I'm not telling them Dad said he'd send money...when the odds are way stacked against that. I'm not giving them hope that they'll see you anytime soon (unless supervised by me and D both). NO EXCUSES. IT'S NOT THAT HARD TO STAY OUT OF JAIL. Maybe if I keep repeating that, like you are really ever going to get to read this, it might sink in. Wait, am I actually trying to still change you? Ha. Forgot myself for a moment. How dare you put me in this position to have to tell the kids?! How dare you make me get this information from your mom? Oh yea...YOU'RE IN JAIL...IN NEW JERSEY.. How dare you put this emotional crap on Jessica and Brandon?!?!?! You really think they are proud of their dad being put in jail?! Yeah...cause that's something they are going to go to school and brag about.... HOW DARE YOU?! You say you are a "grown ass man", well then act like it!!!!! Act like someone who knows what's right and what is wrong! Act like a decent dad, who helps his kids out!! And can manage to 1. not break any laws and 2. stays out of jail! I will pray for you, cause at this point I've got nothing else. I am also going to pray that until you get your life together...I mean really really really really together....you find the words, WITHOUT EXCUSES, to apologize to Jessica and Brandon.
While this blog has helped calm me down, it has also made me realize how the kids may feel embarrased by their dad right now, and sad that he's done something to be in jail. I am not posting this link to fb, but am keeping the blog post up, until my anger has died down. May take a while, I don't know. I feel horrible for my big kids right now, and I don't know what to do for them except love them and give them some space to process it on their own. Always answering any question they had about what I know, and always trying to give them enough love to not feel that void of their dad. I try, knowing it's not the same, not being able to change that...but I'm too tired to keep up false hope and saying maybe.
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